I’m heading west in about 10 hours.  I cannot wait to see plain old wet pavement instead of piles of snow! But I have compiled a list of things that will take some temporary adjusting as I return to my native land for a few days.

  • Do not even try to pump your own gas. Get back in the car, sit down, and let the nice man (or woman) pump your gas for you.
  • Your horn is for alerting someone to an impending accident - nothing else.
  • Do not make up your own lanes as they suit you – the painted lines on the roads are there for a reason, please pay attention to them.
  • Amber lights are to remind you to stop, not to speed up. And in some municipalities, failing to do so will get you a ticket.
  • The price on that non-food item is actually the price – no need to fumble for change to cover the nickel on your $.99 cup of coffee.
  • Who are you kidding? Coffee doesn’t cost $.99 here. Forget the change – get out the $5.
  • Beer – everywhere you’d like it to be, including grocery and convenience stores – and available for purchase 2o hours a day!
  • Layers – dress in layers – you will need to vary them throughout the day. Unlike in Mass where you need all of your layers of clothes all the time because it’s just that freakin’ cold.
  • Your health insurance  (MassHealth) is no good here - don’t get sick or hurt yourself.
  • Trader Joe’s will cost exactly the same and the employees will be equally as happy to serve you.
  • One word: Burgerville – because that really is the last one for another 24,500 miles – they’re not kidding!
  • There are no Dunkin’ Donuts, so don’t even ask. And if there were, the coffee would be old and nasty because nobody goes there.
  • No U-turns ever – for any reason.
  • The only places that deliver are pizza places and the occasional chinese place – if you’re craving mexican food, you’re going to have to go get it yourself.
  • Your bank is here – bank away!
  • The freeways are actually free – you don’t have to pay anything to get from one side of town to another, to cross a bridge, to go through a tunnel (the tunnel), or to simply go up an exit. You do not need to Google map toll-free directons to someplace you already know how to get to.
  • People stop at red lights. Pay attention.
  • Due to the change in humidity, your hair will likely double in volume in a matter of minutes after arriving. Be prepared to have a new ’do.
  • Your boyfriend and all of your friends are here - relax, have a good time, and enjoy being home for a few days!

See everyone soon!

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