I mean, I can in the sense that I can wait forever if need be to get on a plane, but other than the eight hours of torture both there and back – I can’t wait.
While I do have some business to do and some things to take care of, and friends to see whom I have missed – and a beautiful almost five-month-old baby to see!!!! I want to see *my* baby. Four and a half months it’s been since I’ve seen my boyfriend’s face and I miss it.
The one thing I’m looking forward to most is not talking to him. We have done nothing but talk for four months. Sometimes for 30 seconds at a time, some times for two hours – but that’s all we’ve got. Not to say that this kind of distance isn’t healthy for a relationship to some extent. I think it really helps cement how you feel about someone and for us it has helped us decide that we need to figure out our future as he is there and I am here and that’s not really going to work long term – more on that after my trip.
But for all of the emotional things that both of us have gone through over the past four months – I can’t wait to just stare at Mike and not say a damned thing.
For those with whom I’ve had some “offline” conversations, you know that this road has been a rocky one. But the one thing that hasn’t changed at all is how much I love him. I take that back – it has changed – I love him more now than I did when I left. Not part of the plan, but love never is. 
He and I both have some demons to battle, and the key is that both of us are aware of them and are helping each other work through them whenever we can. Nothing worth it is easy, as they say.
I do dread getting on that damned plane though. I was able to procure some xanax for the trip courtesy of Mass Health. So that will help. Not going to help keep the plane aloft, but it will help keep me from freaking out as I plummet to my death. I’m just hoping to sleep.
Anyway, just need to get through the next few days and I will be on my way home. Home to my friends, home to my perfect little niece, and last but absolutely not least, home to my boyfriend.
I can’t wait.
